Life after caring
For many people, it takes time to adjust to the end of the caring role, whether that happens because the patient moves into residential or nursing care, recovers and is able to care for themselves again, or dies.
You can have a lot of time to fill and you can feel quite adrift, without purpose or direction. If you don’t return to work, this might be a good time to learn something new, volunteer or campaign to improve information and support for carers.
You may also find that when you stop being a carer, exhaustion (both physical and emotional) catches up with you and you may be susceptible to falling ill.
Having spent a lot of time caring for someone else and putting their needs first, it’s important that you take care of yourself and where possible, let other people look after you.
In the short-term
Initially, you will have to deal with some practical matters, which might include:
- Informing Centrelink about your change in situation
- If the person you were caring for has died, planning a funeral and administering an estate
More information on funerals and estates is available in the section on "What to do after a death".
You don’t have to rush into decisions about what you will do next straight away. Take your time, and remember that there are a lot of people and organisations that can support you.
Try to accept help that is offered to you. After putting the needs of someone else first for so long, you shouldn’t feel guilty about accepting support.
After your caring role ends, and life is not as hectic, it’s not unusual to be affected physically and mentally from your experience. This may occur weeks, months or even years after you stop being a carer. Make sure you keep a close eye on any changes to your health.
Medium- to long-term
Your caring experience may have changed you a lot, and you might have difficulty picking up where you left off with work, friendships and outside interests. Don’t force yourself to go back to the life you had before you were a carer.
Returning to work may be a necessity and something you want to do to give you some direction in your life.
Emotions
It can feel strange when your caring role ends. You may want to take time out or you might go into automatic pilot and carry on with life as if nothing has changed. Do whatever feels right for you.
It’s not unusual to feel guilty about returning to a “normal” life free from caring responsibilities.
Despite the fact that you have stopped caring for the patient, you may find it hard to disassociate yourself from that role. You may constantly feel an overwhelming need to help others, or you may want to keep in contact with the hospital or hospice that provided support to the patient. This is quite normal and something you can use to positive effect.
You may find that you constantly worry about your loved one getting cancer again, and this can make you over-protective. Try to live life without this worry hanging over you.
Remember that there are still many support services out there to help you, even after your caring role has come to an end.
