Hello- is there a balance?
Mon, 31/05/2010 - 19:32
Hi
My mum was diagnosed with esophageal cancer recently which has spread to her lymph nodes and is making it hard for her to eat. We knew she had cancer in the lymph nodes but it took a while for them to finally find the source (much to my shock).
She has lost a lot of weight. My Mum is 53 and i feel she is too young to have this happen to her. She has my Dad though- which is a great comfort to me- but i also worry about how he is coping. He is 67 and his work are being horrible to him about taking time off to help Mum with her appointments. It is just terrible- I want to do something but Dad has told me not to so I am acting against my better judgment and sitting on it for now. I don't live with Mum and Dad- I work and live in the city but I am really close to both of them which i should be thankful for because not a lot of people can say that about their Mum and Dad.
I am finding it really hard to cope with and after reading everything online I'm worried there is not much hope with this kind of cancer. I can't stop crying and with my crazy hours at work I feel guilty for being at work and not spending more time with mum. I plan to spend more time with her but it is killing me to think that time might be limited.
I'm not sure how to handle it all and welcome any advice on how other family members kept a healthy balance - if there even is one.
One more thing, i find this whole cancer business crap- i look forward to a world where cancer doesn't exist. It is so horrible.
K
Tue, 01/06/2010 - 08:48
#2
Re: Hello- is there a balance?
Hi K
That initial diagnosis is such a blow to us in so many ways, as you have described. I think in all of this cancer craziness we have to do what is right for us and our families. As jodielee has said this board is great for unloading and sharing. Take a deep breath and just take baby steps. It is great that you have such a good relationship with your parent.
Julie
Tue, 01/06/2010 - 16:13
#3
Re: Hello- is there a balance?
Thank you Linda and Julie. I really appreciate it. You jump online not expecting anything except a place to vent- it was a relief to hear back.
I took a look at your own stories and can't tell you how remarkable you both are. Cancer is scary and is very hard on the families of those people with cancer.
I can only imagine how much harder it must be for those dealing with it directly- not only do you not feel 100% (i know this is an understatement but Mum hates me describing her as being 'sick'), but you have to worry about how your families are coping with it.
Thanks again for taking the time to respond to me - with all you're going through it is really appreciated.
KM
Tue, 01/06/2010 - 20:03
#4
Re: Hello- is there a balance?
Hiya Km
I dont know that cancer is easier on anyone really. Sure its hard to be diagnosed with it and yet its hard to be a partner, parent, child of someone that has been diagnosed also. I think that is why this site works ... we all have that common bond per se and then we branch off into specifics.
Read through the forums and you will find you arent alone in any of your thoughts and feelings. That comment isnt meant to say you shouoldnt post about them either.
There are some amazing people on this site and the cc makes it all possible.
Julie
Tue, 01/06/2010 - 20:59
#5
Re: Hello- is there a balance?
Hi K. I was sad to read your blog but I really know what you are going through although you are a lot younger than me. My 83yr old dad was diagonised eith oesophahel cancer mid 2008 and is still here. He also had difficulty swallowing and had had to have a stent inserted. I live 6hr train trip away and I would love him to come live with me but he is so stubborn but I worry as he lives by himself. He is coming here tomorrow for a week(not long enough) and his weight has dropped to 45 kilos in last month(since he was here) but he is telling all friends when he comes to see me he knows he will gain weight.You are lucky to have both your parents- even though my mum is alive and divorced from dad she can't give me any support at all(as with my brothers). All I can say is make sure your mum knows how much you love her and really reach out to Cancer Council and this site as without them I wouldn't cope. Take care. Chris
Hi KM
just remember that we are all here for you even if its just to chat.
some of us vent our anger, some of us just chat and some of us look for guidance in some way. you are never alone, remember that
cheers
Linda