Communicating more effectively
Having cancer can effect how someone communicates. The treatment, its side effects and the type of cancer a person has may change the person's communication style and their ability to listen.
These changes might include:
- Understanding only part of what you are saying
- Not responding to you when you are speaking
- Not being able to make a decision or changing their minds
- Having difficulty expressing themselves
It is important to reflect on how you communicate with the person you are caring for. Have you changed your communication style? Does it work for you all or some of the time? How do you negotiate when you're under stress? Do you ask some of the hard questions? How do you talk about what concerns you?
These questions can be confronting to address.
Communication blocks
Everyone unintentionally puts up blocks to communication – whether because of cultural and social expectations (for example, men aren’t allowed to cry), the emotional strain of talking about difficult things, or the assumptions people make about other people’s feelings and what they want to hear.
If you are aware of the ways you and the person you care for block communication, it can help to remove these blocks and to communicate more effectively.
Examples of common communication blocks include:
- Asking closed (yes or no) questions
- Not listening
- Speaking with so much anger or hurt that the other person cannot understand your message
- Always being cheerful and optimistic and glossing over difficult issues
- Trying to protect the other person from things that might upset them
During stressful times, even the best intentions can be misunderstood, which is why it is important to think actively about your communication style.
Being assertive
Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself won’t do you, or the person you’re caring for, any favours, and could cause feelings of resentment, guilt, anger, frustration or regret.
Effective communication reduces frustration and allows you to express yourself, by helping others to understand your limits and needs. Striking a balance between your needs and the needs of the person you’re caring for is being assertive.
There are three main types of communication:
- Passive communication: suppressing your own needs, feelings, beliefs and opinions to avoid conflict. It can make you feel helpless and powerless.
- Aggressive communication: forcing your own needs, feelings, beliefs and opinions onto others. It can make others feel helpless and fearful.
- Assertive communication: expressing your own needs, feelings beliefs and opinions, while respecting the needs and feelings of others.
Assertive communication may help you to communicate better with the person you care for, health professionals, family and friends and strengthen your relationships. You will feel empowered and increase your self-confidence.
Tips for communicating more effectively
Honest and open communication is the key to any successful relationship, but it can be difficult when you’re feeling tired and frustrated.
Some carers have said that they set aside certain times to sit down with the person they’re caring for and talk about any issues they find stressful or frustrating. Then they try to work out a way to do things differently, which helps reduce tension.
When communicating with someone, remember to pay attention to how you present yourself. Your facial expression, posture and gestures, as well as the tone and pitch of your voice, communicate most of what you say.
Some key tips for communicating assertively:
- Remember to check your body language: look at the person, stand upright, relax your shoulders, don’t fold your arms and breathe normally.
- Try to use "I" statements rather than "You" statements: for example, say "I would like some help with cooking tonight" rather than "You never cook".
- Try to avoid "should" statements: for example, say "It’s important to me that promises be kept" rather than "You should keep your promises".
- Listen to what the other person is saying and show them that you hear and understand them.
- Say what you think or feel, and then say what you would like to happen.
